Writing a message people do not delete

A lock-screen notification is read in the gap between picking a phone up and unlocking it. That is one line, maybe two, and a decision that takes less time than reading this sentence.

Most shop notifications lose in the first four words.

The shape that works

Three parts, in this order, and the order is the point.

1. Say who it is

Not “Hi there!” — the shop’s name. The customer has one reason to care about this message and it is that they like your shop; leading with anything else spends the only advantage you have.

2. Say the true thing

One fact, not a mood. The strongest facts are ones the customer already has a stake in:

• how close they are to a reward
• something that is genuinely only true today
• a change that affects their next visit

3. Stop

No sign-off, no emoji run, no “see you soon!”. The message is a notification, not a letter.

Templates worth stealing

The nearly-finished card, which is the highest-performing message most shops will ever send:

Ninth stamp is on your card.
One more and the tenth is on us.

Something that is only true today:

Sourdough is out of the oven at 3.
About twelve loaves today.

A change that affects the next visit:

We're open till 8 on Thursdays now.
Same kitchen, later.

Read each of those out loud. If it sounds like something a person behind the counter would say, it will work. If it sounds like a brand, it will not.

What to leave out

Exclamation marks. One is a shop that is pleased to see you. Three is a shop that needs something.

The word “exclusive”. It is only ever true in marketing copy, and every customer knows it.

A discount you did not need to give. If the card is nearly full, the pull is already there. Adding 10% on top does not increase the response; it just costs you 10%.

Anything you would send twice. The fastest way to lose a notification permission is to become predictable, and the second identical message is where that starts.